When I awoke....

The first thing I remember when I started to wake up was the nurse telling me that Kendra was beautiful.  I said Kendra?  Don't let Ryan name the baby!  Then I went back to sleep.  Again when I woke another nurse said Kendra is beautiful.  Again I said Kendra?  No, no, no that is not her name!  Don't let Ryan name the baby!  Then I feel asleep again.  I'm not sure how long I was out but when I awoke the third time I was a little more lucid and asked how the baby was?  The nurse again told me that Kendra was fine, and this time I said where is Ryan?  He is not allowed to name the baby!

In Ryan's defense because everything was so rushed we had not talked naming the baby.  I just assumed we would talk about the name before making anything permanent.  When I talked to Ryan about the name he said he had already texted, emailed, and told everyone that her name was Kendra. Then with that they brought the baby in and I finally got to see and hold her.  She was beautiful and healthy I was so happy.  I was worried because she was a month early and the amniocentesis results came back that her lungs were not ready that she was going to have all kinds of problems but I was holding my perfect little baby girl and she was healthy.  No tubes hooked up her and no visible problems.  Then because I wanted to have some say in her name I agreed to live with Kendra but changed her middle name. And just as I was holding Kendra for the first time my mom walked in to my room and held me.  I was so happy she was able to be there.

 

Minutes later doctors nurses kept coming in to check on me and my doctor, Dr. Hancock said that they were still running some test on the cyst but that it did not look cancerous to him however there were some abnormalities that they were looking into.

 

After several doctors, nurses, and interns checked on me and the baby.  I was finally able to get some peace and quite with what felt like PAINFREE for the first time in a year.  When they would ask me how I felt I always said "GOOD, GREAT, VERY LITTLE PAIN".  One doctor said I was the first patient he had ever talked to after birth and major surgery that described themselves as PAINFREE.  But after being in the pain I was in for so long I did really feel great.  Until I had to move then I realized yes I still have pain but I was hopeful that it would go away once I fully healed from the surgery.  Life was good.

 

Until I went in for my 3 week post surgery check up with Dr. Hancock....

The Whirlwind of Doctors and Birth

After the ultrasound showing that my cyst was now so huge that it no longer could be measured I was wheeled off to room to wait, not allowed to leave the doctor office but just wait.  I was so glad my dad was with me at this time because I was in a fog of emotions and pain, I could only remember parts of what the doctor were telling me.  A team of doctor were quickly assembled to review my case and consult on the best path for me to take.  They determined that by the weekend I would need to deliver the baby and have the cyst removed.

Since I was not full term I was sent to the Hartford Hospital to get a amniocentesis done, so they could determine if the baby's lungs were going to be developed enough for delivery.  This time Ryan took me to the hospital and we got a little turned around so Ryan stopped to asked the police/security at the Hospital where we needed to go, without stopping to think we found ourselves with police escort to the valet parking.  Where security meet us at the car and I was then whisked away by them left to wonder where Ryan was but at the same time not worried to much I knew he would find me, he always does.  In the end we made it together to get the procedure done.  At this point my pain level had increased 10 fold.  The narcotics were no longer working and breathing cause so much pain that I had a constant flow of tears running down my face.  I was mess.

After preforming the procedure the doctor asked me if she could call my doctor and let him know how much pain I was in.  She said if you were my patient I would deliver you right away regardless of what the results of the test were.  As I waited in the hospital bed being monitored after the procedure and waiting for my doctor to let me know what I needed to do next, all I wanted was to have my mother by side.  Ryan was great however the nurses showed him some techniques he could do to help lessen my pain and he called my mom who left immediately to be with me.

Of course Dr. Hancock said that I needed to go right away to the Manchester Hospital without stopping, where my team of doctors were being assembled prepping for my delivery.  When we arrived I no longer could move on my own accord.  Things were moving so fast, I was so scared.  It was not how I had envisioned my birth.  I wanted to do a all natural water birth with no stress where everything goes exactly as I planned and the baby was healthy with no complications.  But instead I found my self hooked up to IV with even heavy drugs/ narcotics being pumped into me and signing my life away when I consented for them to do a C-section and major surgery removing whatever they felt needed to when they got in there.  Things like having a full hysterectomy, removing my gallbladder, my appendix, along with all kinds of other body parts.  Also I had determined the best thing for me to do was to be completed knocked out.  Which meant I would not remember the birth of the baby but it allowed them the time to take care of the cyst removal and whatever else they needed to do.

I remember there was one intern who kept coming in with all my doctors prior to the surgery and he was so excited.  He told me that he was the lucky intern that got picked to follow my case.  He said that all the other interns really wanted my case because it was rare.  Thanks intern you really know how to calm a persons nerves.  They prepped me for surgery, Ryan gave me a blessing.  My dad brought Emily by to see.  I gave hugs and kisses to all and was told that my mom would be here before I woke up for surgery.  And with that I was taken away.

The OR was so cold.  They lifted me onto the operating table, extended my arms outstretched and strapped them down as well as the rest of body.  The anesthesiologist asked me what music I wanted to listen to I choose country.  He turned the music on.  I looked to my left and saw about 20 interns filling into the OR as happy and excited as Christmas morning in the pack the one lucky intern who was in my room earlier.  As turned back to look at Dr.  Hancock he said they were all so excited to get to see not only a C-section but major surgery.  And I heard their teacher or the doctor in charge of them start explain how this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for them.  I'm just glad I could provided that experience for those interns. 

Then shaking because of the cold Dr. Hancock told me that normally they would wait tell I went under to prep my belly but that they needed to now before I went under so that the could deliver that baby the fastest as possible.  They did not want the baby to get any of the anesthesia drugs, so they had to be fast he said.  Then they proceeded to wash my belly with even more cold stuff.  I was shaking so much and was so scared.  I wished I could see Ryan and that he could stroke my face and calm me down, but he was not allowed in the OR.  The assured me he was waiting right outside the OR and that the baby would be taken to him as soon as it was delivered.  So I focused on Taylor Swift singing "It's a love story" and I was gone.

Hurrican Coming Pregnant, Help Is On the WAY!

I was now 5 months pregnant and living in a strange new place called New England.  I prayed for help to be able to find some doctors who would be able to help me manage the pain of the cysts and deliver my baby.  Through a series of different outlets I found my self walking into Dr. Hancock's office.  I did not know it at the time but Dr. Hancock just happened to specialize in ovarian cysts, although he had not seen cysts as big as mine in a pregnant women ever he assured me that I was in the right place at the right time.  A peace came over me and for the first time in my pregnancy I allowed myself to believe that I would not lose the baby.

Time went by and I tried to do the best I could everyday.  Which was typically this:  I only went up our stairs to get outside once a day if I even did that.  I stopped doing housework.  As soon as Emily came home from school I would put a movie(s) on for her until Ryan came home from work.  (Thank goodness the school program Emily was enrolled in at that time was full days everyday of the week.)  I played the Ipad to take my mind off the pain.  I read a lot of books to do the same.  I continued to try to attend church every week but it usually came down to me only making it about twice a month, so our home teachers started to bring me the sacrament.  Also I stopped cooking meals or shopping, so the Relief Society was bringing in meals twice a week if not more.  And when Ryan was not home Emily stepped up and was really good about getting me water and bread.  I really don't know what I would of done without her she is such a sweet girl and took good care of me.  And that is how life went until I was 7 months pregnant.

At that time my sister and her family came to stay at our house overnight on their way home from visiting my family.  When they were getting ready I lost it.  The pain by this point was so much that all I literally could do was get out of my bed (with help from Ryan) make it the my chair which was about 5 feet away and not move again until bedtime that night.  I would cry if I had to go to the bathroom which also was about a 7 foot walk away from my chair.  It took everything I had to make it to the bathroom and back to my chair and that was with help.  I would have to hold it if Ryan was not home to help me because I could not make it on my own.  I was on heavy medications at the this time but the pain was so bad that all the narcotics were doing were taking the edge of the pain so I would not cry non-stop all day everyday.  When my sister saw my condition she asked me if I needed any help. 

Help was exactly what I needed.  Stupid of me I thought I was dealing was dealing with life just fine, until she asked me and I realized how much I did need help.  So Heather being the sweetheart that she is sent her dear husband home alone and stayed with her two kids to take care of me and my family.  Needless to say it was very difficult for her but I was and will always be very grateful for Heather's help during this difficult time in my life.  Heather doing her sisterly duties at this time alerted my family about my condition, which in turn started a chain reaction of help and concern.  One thing I love about my family is that they truly care and are willing to doing whatever they need to do to take care of one another.

Heather had figured she could probably stay only about 2 weeks with me because she needed to get home to take care of some business.  She had arranged with my dad to come down and stay with me after that until I no longer needed any help.  Well the pressure was building the kids were not playing well together and Heather being a new mom was basically not getting any sleep or rest.  She was a trooper but on top of all that was going in our house a Hurricane was coming.  With the threat of the Hurricane Heather decided she needed to leave that night and get home as soon as possible.  So my dad dropped everything and left as soon as he could that day but he had a 6 hour drive ahead of him in bad weather.  And unfortunately since Heather sent her husband home alone she did not have car so her only way home was to have Ryan drive her half way where she was planning on meeting her husband which left me home alone with the threat of a Hurricane looming down on New England.

I knew that if it got bad there was going to be nothing I could do to save myself expect pray for help.  Luckily nothing happened to our house and Ryan and my dad both arrived within minutes of one another back home to house safely and we were able to weather the storm with no damage the power only went out for a minute.  All was well for now.

My dad was a big help and went with me to all my doctor appointments and took me outside and shopping.  He would get me a wheelchair to ride in wherever we went and would push me around where I wanted to go.  It was so nice to be able to get outside again. Then we went for me regular OB checkup and noticing that the pain had increased dramatically since my last visit they decided to do a ultrasound to see if anything had changed.  It was exciting for my dad to get to see the baby.  When the ultrasound tech left the room to get the doctor my dad asked me where the cyst was because he could not see it very well.  I showed and told him, basically it was taking up the entire screen and going into the next screen that is why he could not tell.  It was huge.  I knew at this point that it was not good.  The doctor had told me before that everything would be fine as long the cyst stayed at 8cm and did not get any larger than that, well this was measuring well beyond 8cm.  In fact it was to larger for the tech to even measure it.  And just like that a fast paced whirlwind of commotion started.

Journey to Connecticut

Ryan's company gave us 2 weeks to prepare before we needed to be in Connecticut.   2 Weeks!  We had so many things to take care of.  I relied on the Lord in all things.  I knew it was where He wanted us to be because every morning I would wake up with a plan of things I need to get done to help us on our move across the country.  I would look at my list, start at the top and pray for help and guidance to be able to take care of the task.   And quickly I would be lead in the direction I needed to go and things were being handled.  Even though I was super sick during this time I was able to help get us on the path and take care of the things I needed to take care of. 

Of course many many thanks goes  out to all my family and fiends that helped me along the way I truly could not of done it without them.  And just like that we found ourselves riding across the country in a moving truck facing the unknown future with optimism.  After about day 3 of driving I started to really get into a lot of pain again.  It was very taxing on my body to make that drive. 

I forgot to mention that also at this time my little sister Heather was about to have a baby at any time.  I was excited because of the timing I was hoping I would be able to be there for her birth.  She was scared because she really wanted to do a natural birth and wanted me to be there to couch her through it.  Well we were somewhere in Nebraska when my sister called and said she was having strong contractions and would probably have the baby soon.  Ryan and I talked about and thought maybe just maybe if we drive all night without stopping we could make.  But as I mentioned earlier the drive was extremely taxing on my body and I needed the overnight stops to be able to make it the next day.  So that was not really something we could do.  Only a few hours later Heather called and she had delivered her beautiful baby girl all natural and did an awesome job without me there.  I was so proud of her.

Also at the same time my parents were moving to Maine.  So by the time I made it to my sisters house my dad was there and I was done traveling I could not get back into the truck again.  When I saw my dad all I could was cry on his shoulder.  I did not want to leave his arms.  It felt good to be with my dad and out of the moving truck.  I was in pain I was sick.  I could not even hold my new beautiful niece because I was too weak and every movement hurt me.  So I ended up staying for a week at her house.  While Ryan, my dad, and Ryan's sister Autumn went to Hartford to move us in. 

After helping us move in my dad went on to Maine.  And Ryan and his sister came back to get me and Emily.  Together we went on to Hartford and lived in a Hotel for 2 weeks until being able to move into a basement apartment in South Windsor.  With all of stuff in storage.  I was finally able to sit down and not move for a while.

My Normal Life?...

I was forced to take a break from my blog and lets face it life all together because I found out I was pregnant an had ovarian cyst.  The cyst were very painful and being pregnant on top of that pain made it almost impossible to do very much in my life.  All my energy went into taking care of myself and my basic needs.  What energy I had left went to helping my daughter Emily and taking care of her.  At one point I could not even take care of myself let alone my 3 year old so I went to die on my in-laws couch, at least that is what it felt like. 

Eventually I came off of the heavy narcotics that I was taking and could return home.  For about half a week I really thought I would make it.  My family came out to visit me and that was very nice, but still hopped up on so many drugs I was very limited as to what I could do.  On top of all of this the doctor kept telling me that I would most likely lose the baby I was carrying. 

While my mom was visiting me she had a opportunity to get a great job in Maine, while she was busy interviewing and applying for this opportunity.  It was exciting times for our family.  I enjoyed having my family and especially my mother at my side to take care of me and comfort me in this time of need.  I told my husband that I would love to live closer to my family I need them at this time in my life.  After they left and went home my husband and I prayed about it and felt that we needed to move to Maine. 

A few weeks after she returned home, back to Georgia my mother had gotten the job in Maine.  And I wanted to be close to them so I could have their support during this trying time in my life.  Ryan, my husband, went to his supervisor and asked if there was any way we could move to Maine and he could continue to work for his company.  They came back and suggested Washington DC, I said No that I wanted to live in Maine by my parents.  They came back and said how about Hartford, CT.  I prayed about it and by lunch time that day I told my husband that Hartford, CT would work just fine.  After all it was only about 5 hours to my where my parents were going to be living in Maine and about 5 hours to where Heather, my sister,  lives in Pennsylvania. 

That one decision started a whirl-wind of stuff happening so fast I could barely keep up.

To Be Continued...